Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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