Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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