went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
