They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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