oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
