Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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