when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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