do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I would fuck him just for his dog
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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