he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
