Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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