Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
