Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
