So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
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