I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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