there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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