her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He better not be in your backpack
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
