so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
