I wish I could teleport
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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