You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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