guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
