all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
