I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
