He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
