So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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