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Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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