At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
