It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
