have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
