she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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