i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am midnight drunk by noon
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
