I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
