I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
