I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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