brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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