It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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