Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
