Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
