Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
