Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
