can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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