it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
