Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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