um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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