she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
