As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
