All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You are a genius and a whore.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
