The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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