A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
