You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
