im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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